I am catching up with posting online my articles.
I am sure that you have found yourself more than once in a situation with a lot of problems and difficulties and later you have said: "but at least I have learned a lot from it !".
That is cool that you have manage to get out of the problems and you have learned a lot from it but in the end you have learned a lot of useless lessons.
People quite often don't realize that the saying "but I have learned a lot from it" is used to make them feel better about themselves because in reality they are directly responsible for creating all of these problems.
Look at this... let's say that you meet somebody and you start to consider entering into relationship with this person. In the beginning it is ok but with the time you come across little problematic and conflicting situations and you don't react to them. By saying "you don't react" I meant that you don't investigate all the "how and why" and you don't find the constructive solution to it.
With the time all of these small and insignificant situations start to accumulate and they grow into the mountain of problems. At some point you may not stand up even the presence of your partner near you and eventually you split up. But the split up is not so easy and not so peaceful. You go through the lengthy process of fights in the court because your lovely wife wants to squeeze every cent out of you. She is taking advantage of the legal system, which is designed to protect the weak gender and you are being left on the street with very little money in your bank account and on top of it you are obliged to pay child support and pay for the mortgage because you wife is rising your children. You would like to see the children but with clever lies she manage to convince court that you are bad father and then you are not allowed to even see your children etc. You cannot do much about it in this moment and in thus you have to accept the decision of the judge.
You are thinking and analyzing a lot about what has happened and in the end you come up to the conclusion: "well... shit happens and you have to live with it but at least you have learned a lot from it". Yes... that is true. You have learned a lot from it on how to deal with the lawyers. You have learned how bad and greedy people are etc. But you see all of these lessons are in the end useless and senseless. You did not need to be in that place where you had to go through all of the problems. I am sure that there were many moments when you noticed that something is "not right" in your relationship but you have ignored it and you have not investigated what is behind it. As I said before you have not investigated the "what, how and why" and you have not found the constructive solution to it. Your personal desires and beliefs made you blind and you didn't see the shit that was happening until it grew big and it overwhelmed you. And then you could do nothing apart from accepting all of the consequences and learn from it. But all of this was not necessary and it was easy to prevent.
Yes... all of these lessons are useless and not necessary. You don't really learn anything from it. Maybe the only thing to learn from it is to not go there anymore and when you smell shit then react until you find the source of the smell. And it doesn't matter who smells - your wife, husband, mother, father, best friend etc. If you don't react and don't find the constructive solution sooner or later you will get into the situation you will learn another useless lessons and you will regret it.