I am catching up with posting online my articles.
Obviously the point of the stability of the partners is only illusionary and temporary. They have just found a common objective which unites them but at the same time this common objective suppresses all other unresolved issues which separated them before and sooner or later they will come back to the surface and play out causing usual discussions and fights between the partners. And thus the future of their relationship is quite predictable.
Thus as you can see you can be as neutral as possible within the role of the middle man but it doesn't mean that you will be loved by your friends whom you are trying to help. But no matter if your friends turn against you or not you must stay neutral and be the center point of stability or otherwise you will be drawn into the turmoil of the mind, ego and polarities and you will feel on your skin painful consequences of it.
Here are some general guidelines to take into consideration when deciding on taking a role of the middle man within the relationship conflict.
1. First of all we must remember that all of the problems have been co-created by both partners and their inefficiency in solving them brought up a situation when we have a mountain of problems which is so big that it seem impossible to move it and dissolve it.
2. Don't try to make miracles and don't try to solve the problems for the partners. Your role as a middle man is in assisting the partners so that they may resolve them themselves. If they don't learn how to do it and you will do it for them, sooner or later they will recreate it again.
3. In majority of the cases it is impossible to solve all of the problems at once and in an instant. And thus it is advisable to write down on the piece of paper all of the existing problems ( or otherwise it is very easy to get lost in the mind ) and decide which problem will be solved by the partners themselves. Once they see that they can work together efficiently on solving the problems, it will change the whole situation 180 degrees because they will realise that the mountain of problems can be actually taken apart.
4. If you see ( as a middle man ) that the partners don't want to make real change ( and one of the signs will be the resistance to the simple act of writing down the list of the problems on the paper ) and instead they try to pull you on their side to get your support, it is better to withdraw your participation within this situation because it is obvious that they are not looking for your assistance within the conflict as a middle man.
5. Breathe and be aware and tell the partners to do the same although most probably this will be the last thing that they will want to do.