Catching up with posting online my articles because of being busy with work. I am witting my articles every day as part of my commitment... just posting is lagging...
Today I had a conversation over the phone with my friend and we have looked at the point why our intentions to help our partners have ended up in fiasco. And these are the conclusions...
But before we go to these conclusions I have to explain that myself and my friend are in the process of self-development and transformation from ego, illusions, separation, fears etc. into oneness, equality and life.
Thus the first important point is that the process of self-change is very challenging and tough. And thus when assisting our partners within the relationship we must remember that our partner may not be able to go within the process of change as fast as we do or they may not even want to go through this process at all. And thus when somebody is not prepared to go through the process of self-change then generally it is better to let them be and give them time till they are ready for it. And it is rather easy for me to apply this point towards the people who are not within the circle of my family and close friends. But when it came to my partner I have noticed that I was not really effective within that point. And today my friend has actually confirmed about doing the same mistake.
But in the end I have realised one thing. No matter who it is ( my mother, father, brother, wife, child etc. ) each person is going through their own process - either birthing themselves into life, oneness and equality or process of continuation with ego, separation and destruction. And I can only assist them but I can never do the things for them. Well... temporarily I can do things for others who are struggling within their own process and in this way assist them and help them. But later they must restructure, apply the correction and continue with their process using their own strengths. If they don't do it and if they are not interested in the process of self-change they will actually use you to literally get some fresh air and they will continue with their own shit. And if you are not careful you will be pulled down by them and you will have to deal with their shit on top of your own and it is not going to be pleasant at all.
And this is what has happened with me and my friend that I talked on the phone today. Instead of assisting our partners effectively we have allowed ourselves to be pulled into the situation when we were expected to help them to deal with their own shit on a permanent basis and they didn't do much about it themselves.
Doing something for others on a permanent basis seems to be kind of generous and it seems to be a sign of unconditional love but in the end it is ineffective and it is an act of ego. And it is a painful lesson.
Thus we must remember that helping others while compromising the principle of what is best for all is not effective and most of the time it will be very painful experience for you. Thus when you see that your partner doesn't want to go forward in his/her process and it is expecting and forcing you to go into their shit hole, it is better to leave them alone and let them be hit real hard by the shit which they have allowed and created.
Yes... I know it is kind of painful to see your loved ones to suffer but you have to remember that this is quite often the only effective way for a human to open their eyes and start doing the change. Otherwise if you will try to prevent the hit with your own body so that they don't get hurt, you will suffer yourself and their own process of waking up will be much longer because they will have to go through another and much stronger experience to open their eyes.
That is what we have learned and realised together with my friend. Now we see our mistake. We have corrected it. I have finished our relationships last week and we have stopped participating in helping our partners with dealing with their own shit for them instead of assisting them with it for the sake of keeping our partners with us.