I am catching up with posting online my articles.
And again I am facing difficult moments in my relationship. This relationship had a big potential but now we are at the point when we are contemplating break up. Or maybe it is just me who is contemplating breakup. In this moment it is not important if she also does it. The thing is that I am at the point when do not know what else I can do. It feels like I have done all that I could do but my partner did not do enough on her side.
I have already written in one of the articles that we did some big changes. It was hard. It was going slow. It was difficult at times but we did it.
But now it looks like there is no more motivation and no more inner strength to push through and transform other points. Then we also face the thing with realising that we have both lived in an illusion of the mind in which we have projected ( through the mind ) the things we are not real. What I mean here is that I have projected some wishes and desires of my mind unto my partner and now I realise that my partner is not and does not want to be that. So here comes the conflict. Because I wish for something and I cannot receive it. And the same with my partner. She does not receive what she wants and what she wishes for. I remember clearly the moment when she told me ( indirectly ) once about her wish - which in the end was the illusion and projection of her mind - when it comes to have the perfect partner. And I am not that. If she asked me in the beginning I would say her directly about it. But this is not just her fault that she did not ask. I am also responsible that I did not tell her that. And now I know that I did not tell her that because I have also lived in the illusion of my mind. I projected unto her that my wishes but the reality is that she is not that.
Anyway it looks like we will have to make the decision to walk our own ways. On one hand I would regret that we would split but then on the other hand if I do not want to live in the illusion of something that is not there. I see the potential in this relationship but at the same time it looks like this potential was seen through my mind. And because it is from my mind then it is not real. And if it is not real then it is not worth to dedicate more time to it.
To be continued...