I am catching up with posting online my articles.
This is another realisation which involves my struggle to cope with many responsibilities in my life which in the last couple of months turned to be overwhelming.
I do not know how to describe exactly the feeling that I had this morning but it was something like feeling impatient and/or annoyed because there was a certain project which I wanted and which I should working on a week ago but unfortunately I could not do it because there were other responsibilities coming on.
Anyway I wanted to start working on it this morning but the things did not flow smoothly - there was a queue in the shop, there was a traffic jam etc. And so I felt irritated by it all. Then I finally got home, I ate something quickly, I put the dirty plates in the sink and I started to prepare myself for working on the project.
But then I stopped myself and I asked myself a question:
Greg !!!... are you really ready for that in this moment ?
In that moment I realised that I wanted to make 2nd step without making sure that my foot has been placed correctly on the first step ( so to speak ). And so I cleaned the dirty dishes and I also cleaned my house and did few little things which should have been done. Look... few months ago I found myself in the situation when I was completely overwhelmed by the "mountain" responsibilities. But the problem was not just so much because I had many of them but rather because I did not manage my time and my tasks properly.
Look... cleaning the dishes needs to be done anyway - I can do it now or I can do it later. But if I must do it later so why can I not do them right now ? Obviously I wanted to postpone this task of cleaning the dishes for later so that I could start working as soon as possible on my "new but old" project but within this I would start repeating my old pattern of accumulation of overwhelming responsibilities. II know that these dirty dishes, dirty clothes, house etc. would eventually affect me ( or I should rather say that the mind pattern which underlies the act of postponing the cleaning ) and I would feel uncomfortable, tired etc. and I know that at some point this task of cleaning the dishes would turn into something really difficult to do and I would enter the vicious cycle of postponing the tasks because I feel tired or I do not have time etc.
And so I decided that I will first clean the house and through this I will make sure that my foot has been placed correctly and it stands firmly on the ground and only then I will make the second step. And so I cleaned the house but because I had an appointment so I could not start working on my project in the morning. But I did it in the evening. And now my house is clean, my task is done and I do not repeat my old pattern.