Some few days ago I was practicing new techniques for massage ( I am massage therapist ) and after the practice I was left with the desire to be touched more. This desire and want to be touched more was with me for the last few days and it is also important to mention here that my desire was directed specifically towards the person I was practicing with. But it was not possible to make it happen because I couldn't get in contact with this person.
Thus this desire has been nagging me for the last few days. Sometimes more and sometimes less but it was there. And today I was sitting in the restaurant having coffee. While I was sitting there I was observing the people passing by. Within this I was specifically fixed on the couples ( wishing that I also had a partner ) as well single females looking at them and wishing to be more intimate with them and to be touched by them.
But it was all frustrating because I was sitting there and observing them but I couldn't do it. I was at the table and they were there. I started to ask myself questions: "WTF is this all about ?". I am doing the Desteni I Process Course and I ( others who are also doing it ) am being told time after time that we must always reflect the thing towards ourselves. And thus I was asking myself another question: "How to reflect this back to me ?".
And I have switched on to the logical mode which is not the thing that people want to do so easy because normally we focus our whole attention on the desire and we trying to fulfil it out there. And if we cannot fulfil it then we get frustrated and tend to fall into depression. And that's why it is easy to miss the point to reflect it all back to ourselves. Anyway here my thinking process within this story:
- I want to be touched by somebody out there
- I must be creating separation - I am here and somebody else is there and I wish to be touched by this somebody out there
- Question: "So what about if I reflect it back to me and how am I going to do it ?"
- Well... "how about if I try to touch myself instead of waiting for somebody out there to have mercy and touch me ?"
- Wow... bingo... this is the point... touching myself... "why should get frustrated waiting and desiring to be touched by somebody else if I can do it myself ?"
In that moment I have realised that I have created separation and this started to manifest itself in my body in the form of tension which was nagging me for the last few days. And as I was sitting there in the coffee shop I have started to touch gently my hands, face and my neck. And interestingly the tension has started to dissipate almost instantaneously. I have finished my coffee and I went home. I took off my clothes, I lied on my bed and I have started to give myself what I needed - I started to breath and to touch my whole body in the way that I enjoy the most. This has brought me back form my mind into my body and then the rest of the tension started to dissipate further.
Cool stuff...